The Evolving Trumpublican Defense of Donald J. Trump: A Car Analogy

[kane_magus]

- Donald Trump did not steal that car. That car was not stolen. It is sitting right there.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. The car might be gone, but that doesn't mean it was stolen.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. If it was stolen, it was not by Trump.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Trump was nowhere nearby when that car was stolen.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Trump borrowed the car and fully intends to bring it back.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Trump merely moved the car to a different location without permission. That doesn't mean he stole it.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. It's not stealing, if you're the President.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. As President, he had every right to steal that car.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Even if he did steal that car, it's not important. What is actually important is finding out who called the police and reported the car stolen.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. The person who reported it stolen by Trump obviously didn't like Trump and was biased against Trump, so we definitely shouldn't believe them, even though we don't actually know who that person was.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. It doesn't matter that a bunch of other people have also made additional statements corroborating the original reporter of the stolen car by showing that Trump did steal the car.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Some of the people who said that Trump stole the car also claimed that Trump didn't have any reason to steal the car and didn't want to steal the car even though he stole the car, so that should exonerate Trump from stealing the car.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Stealing a car is not a crime.
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. What even is stealing, anyway? How can you say Trump stole the car if you can't even adequately explain what it means to steal something?
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Do we even know what it means to be a car? Is a car a thing that can even be stolen? What is a car?
- Donald Trump did not steal that car. Even if Trump stole a car on Fifth Avenue, he still wouldn't lose my vote. If Jesus Christ gets down off the cross and told me Trump stole that car, I would tell him hold on a second, I need to check with the President if it's true.

Comments

[owsf2000]

I thought we were already at or past:

"Trump DID steal that car. Sure it might look a little bad but we still fully support the president in his crime and we do that all the time anyway."

[kane_magus]

Sure, they'd say that second sentence, but they'd still preface it with "Donald Trump did not steal that car."

Donald Trump himself could stand behind a podium and address the entire world and say "Yes, I, Donald J. Trump, did, in fact, steal that car. I stole that car because Papa Putin ordered me to steal that car," and the Trumpublicans would still be saying "Donald Trump did not steal that car. Sure, he may have just explicitly admitted to stealing that car, but he's lied about things before, and we've always accepted that, so who is to say he isn't lying about this, too, for some noble reason or other. There is no evidence that Trump actually stole that car, as long as we ignore all the mountains of evidence pointing to the fact that he did steal that car. But even if he did steal that car, that's fine, too. It must all be part of his grandmaster plan to beat the Deep State or something. Trump didn't steal that car to, you know, steal that car. There had to be some 4D chess mastermind shit behind his reason for stealing that car. In the end, our God Emperor can do no wrong, even with all the wrong he does, just so long as he keeps owning the libs and making the lives of brown-skinned people miserable."

The diehard, incurable Trumpanzees will never stop bending over backwards and touching their heels with the backs of their heads to justify it, all while still denying it. It is cultish Orwellian doublethink of the worst sort. To call it mere hypocrisy at this point is like comparing the sun to a small child's nightlight.

The "true patriot," "pertecking 'MehriKKKa," "good ol' boy" types will never be able to admit to themselves or anyone else that they got so completely and utterly hoodwinked by such a blatantly obvious conman, and, thus, they will continue to support him, no matter what. And the "just as eyeball-deep in crimes as Trump himself is" types (e.g. probably most of the GOP Congressshitbags) know that if Trump goes down, he'll probably take most of them with him, and, thus, they will continue to support him, no matter what. And the 4chan "for teh lulz," "just want to watch the world burn" types already know Trump is a total fuckup, as that is explicitly why they ever supported him in the first place, and, thus, they will continue to support him, no matter what. That last group are the only ones that are even remotely honest about it. And interspersed throughout all the groups are the "Trump is a racist, misogynist asshole, just like me" types, whether they actively own that label or not.